Hey everybody,
This is kind of weird being the fact that this is my first non-english post. I kind of been wanting to do this for a long time now, but I’ve been busy trying to dig myself out of a homework/test overload that I never got around to it. Although it seems strange talking about things, I kind of feel better when I post and write something instead of talking to people face to face. Don’t know why that is, but it’s how I’ve done things. Anyways, I’m kind of freewriting/blogging simultaneously, so pardon any confusions.
I feel like I need to express myself about how college is going. Let’s just say that I don’t think anyone can have a clear idea without actually immersing into the campus itself. I had certain stereotypical ideas about what a small-town college would be like. I came here thinking that this place was going to be pure-straight hick. I mean Texas-Drawl, listening to country music about tractors and love, strict college. And I’ve been blown away by how wrong I was. Despite some of these aspects being present, I was pleasantly shocked at the number of people who were just like me. We listen to the same music, like the same video games, and are interested in the same subjects. It gave me comfort to know that maybe I wasn’t going to be some outsider looking on, pondering how to fit in.
I get those feelings sometimes. You feel like maybe you are not as connected with people as you would like to be. It’s hard for me to chill with others without thinking of differences. Maybe I’m not as sure about religion as most people. Or maybe I’m not as funny or charming as people expect me to be. Maybe it’s the fact that though I got good grades, I never really had to try. Being surrounded by such hard-working and dedicated students, I sometimes sense that maybe I was never supposed to be here. This, combined with the fact that I’m an out-of-state student with no previous connections to people, kind of makes me feel like I’m in a bubble by myself. If you couldn’t tell, I get upset easily. And though you want to tell people why, you kind of feel bad for dumping your problems on to others.
I’m kind of homesick a little bit. I miss my mom and dad much more than I thought I would be. I guess I never realized how much I loved and depended on my parents until I didn’t have immediate contact with them. Not only do I feel lonely, but in a sense, I feel guilt about leaving my parents behind. I know it’s sound stupid, but when your parents tell you that they feel like they’re losing you, let’s just say it’s not exactly a self-esteem booster. It’s also hard when you lose contact with high school friends. You know in your heart that most high school contacts were mere acquaintances, but it still hurts when the phone calls are not as frequent, the conversations aren’t as long, and then one day they don’t even bother to call you.
I’m getting better. I kind of took a break from people to concentrate on my school-work. It sure helped a lot. For the past few days, I’ve managed to get actual homework done before midnight(that’s an accomplishment for me). I’m learning to be more proactive in my studies and not to wait until the last minute. Hard to do when you’ve become such a excellent habitual procrastinator for most of your academic life. But progress is progress. I’m also getting more acquainted with new people so that I always have someone to fall back on. College is still in a rut, but I know it’ll get better with time.
Well, that was my first personal blog entry. Feel kind of liberated in a sense. Maybe I’ll get addicted like all my friends back home. Anyway, for all who read, feel free to comment on what you thought, maybe even how you’re handling college life. Hell, some good research questions might pop up from this. I’m open.
Jeremy (.5 Asian)
Tyr8nt93's Blog 